Bill Payer

I was worried when I recognized the P.G. & E. envelope, but my wife had it opened before I could intercept it. In our house, we have divided the financial responsibilities. I maintain all of the records throughout the year and tackle the ugly job of Tax Returns. My wife handles the day-to-day bill paying. This is a very powerful position.

The Bill Payer is like Mom and Santa—all knowing. Unapproved purchases, such as the latest Paul McCartney cd, cannot be hidden from the Bill Payer. It’s impossible. I’m not saying that I’ve tried, but if indiscretions at Best Buy and Circuit City couldn’t be discovered, well…

The P.G. & E. bill in December and January is a double-edge sword. Household bills tend to suck the life from most checkbooks. No matter how much and how fast cash is deposited, the harsh economy bleeds it dry. On the other hand, the P.G. & E. invoice is a tangible measurement of the success of the SLNA Festival of Lights.

My wife, the Bill Payer, stood open mouthed staring down at the paper. When her hands trembled, I knew!

"Have you seen this?" she asked.

Since she had just opened it, I correctly assumed that the question was rhetorical. Also, 29 years of experience told me that any answer I provided wouldn’t have mattered.

"It’s over two hundred dollars more than usual!"

You don’t have to be a sensitive and carrying husband in moments like this to see danger. Sometimes, it’s obvious that the two of you view events in vastly different ways. I found that it’s important to recognize that and gage my reactions accordingly. For the Bill Payer, squeezing another two hundred dollars is a challenge. For me, the invoice represented two hundred votes for a great Festival of Lights display.

I hoped that I had enough sympathy in my voice when I said how shocked I was. I wasn’t, though. Over the holidays, I was in awe watching the little spinning wheel on our meter going bizerk for eight weeks. The markings were a blur, as it threatened to shoot out of the glass door.

When my Life Buddy, the Bill Payer, wasn’t looking, I gave my daughter a high five.